Rant « Nephthys Nile

The issue of pressure upon women to “do it all” crops up occasionally in the media. Generally, it’s when some idiot journalist hasn’t bothered to do their homework and get some good questions for the female-celebrity-with-children of the moment, so returns to the age-old “How do you manage it all?” questions.

In my mind, yes women are expected to be driven in their careers, run a well-oiled machine of a household, get the kids to school on time (clean, ironed uniform is optional these days), hang out with their friends, be a loving and supportive partner and still make it to the gym, do the grocery shopping and not forget a breakfast meeting conference call.

The real question is: who is doing all this expecting? Is it society? The families? Work colleagues? Or is it a case of the women themselves thinking they should be able to do it all, not realising that they’re placing that pressure upon themselves to Do It All? I honestly believe, against the flow once again, that it is this latter option, and it’s time we woke up to ourselves.

There is a lot of talk in the self-help books available everywhere, about saying “No” when people make a request of your time and/or effort. Guess what? Sometimes you need to do that to yourself. We can’t Do It All. Even if you had a healthy amphetamine habit (which, for the record, I am NOT proposing you resort to), there are still only 24 useable hours in every day and for at least some of those, you need to be pretending to be asleep (if so only to maintain the humanoid facade). So why can’t we Do It All?

There comes a time in your life when, contrary to how you feel in your teens and twenties, that something’s got to give. You know that if you keep giving and giving, pretty soon there’ll be nothing left for you. Sometimes, you need to think about what you actually get out of all the things you have signed up for and assess if they’re giving back to you something comparable to what you put in.

Obviously, work is work and we need to do it in order to pay the bills and keep that roof over our head. If you have no job, I’m going to be sorry to be the one to tell you, but you really ought to be looking for one or taking on training to get one. There. Unpopular opinion for today. If there is not a GOOD reason you are not working (and I’m not talking about not being able to find a job after actually really putting yourself out there for all the available positions you might even vaguely be qualified for and some that you’re so not, or having a disability that absolutely 100% means you cannot work), or taking it upon yourself to make yourself more attractive to employers (and no, getting your hair and nails done is NOT what I mean by this),then you’re not giving back to society. If you’re unnecessarily not giving back to society, then you’re bludging off the system and deserve to be made to clean the green ways between highways and the such to earn that pittance (and yes, I admit that welfare is a pittance and only barely covers the true cost of living, but surely you don’t need those cigarettes if you can’t make payment of bills on time?) they call welfare. Ahem. But I digress.

Education should be a priority to anyone who feels they cannot get a job in the current employment conditions. It should be a focus to anyone who wants a better job. Hell, if you’re bored, go learn something! There are so many assistance packages out there for those who are unemployed and want to go and learn that the only excuse I can see for not being able to afford to learn is you’re in a dead-end job that refuses to pay you enough to go and learn. Having said that, sometimes it takes a great deal of courage to undergo training when the rest of life is falling down around you. That is when you need to re-evaluate and see if the long-term goals you have set for yourself as a result of this learning you’re undertaking are going to truly enrich your life as much as you imagine. If not, then maybe it’s time you re-assessed your work study load (take a study period or semester off and give yourself some breathing space), or drop it altogether and try something else.

Friends, if they’re real friends, will understand no seeing you so much if you have too much on your plate. Plus, with pretty much everyone having access to the Internet and/or a mobile phone, there’s no way you can’t take a quick few minutes to send a friend a text message or FaceBook message to let them know you’re alive and thinking about them.

That hobby you signed up for last summer? Is it still doing something for you? Would your life be significantly less worth living if you cancelled out of it?

Do your kids really need to attend ALL of those meets? Does your partner really need you by their side during ALL those work functions? Are there little largely regular events that you can drop out of in order to give yourself time to go and have that bubble bath once a month?

I think what I am trying to say is: You Can’t Do It All And that’s Okay! Do what you can.

Make others pick up for themselves. Teach your kids to use the washing machine, wash the dishes, make breakfast for themselves. Make a family calendar and rather than asking for babysitting duties from the grandparents, ask if they can attend something for your kids, or drive them to a meet once a week. Not only will you get an hour to yourself, but your kids will get dedicated grandparent time. It’ll be a Good Thing.

Think you have to be the Super Parent and win all those (non-existent) awards? I have news for you: No one is keeping score. You don’t get a prize for killing yourself in the name of Doing It All. What you do get is increase anxiety, increased chance of heart failure, stress disorders and a significantly lowered quality of life. If you have kids, how is that being a good role model? Newsflash: It isn’t.
Ahem.

Right. So now you’ve heard all of my ranting, I’d really like to hear what you’ve done in the last little bit to ensure that you’ve regained a little work/life/family balance. Comment below, or head to my FaceBook page where the conversation is also taking place.

All the cool kids are doing it, so why not me?

Just in case you haven’t heard of what this is. Let me recap. In essence, the Australian government has already started paving the road for a mandatory internet filter of the internet for all Australian citizens. There will be a secret blacklist for sites that will be banned, which no one has access to. There is no real recourse if your site ends up on the list to get it off. There is no real disclosure on what might get your site onto this list, suffice to say the official line is: “Items refused classification”. This could anything deemed illegal, immoral or otherwise.

There’s that curly word again… Immoral. It’s a word that makes my skin curl. I am all for deciding that illegal thing should be banned. Child pornography, bestiality, those such things. But how do I know that even typing those words won’t get my site on the blacklist? But what if I have a site about polyamory? Homosexual health issues? There are some that would consider that immoral. Who is to say that what I am saying is or isn’t immoral? Who has control over the list?

Another issue that has not really been brought up has been the implications on academic internet research. Those researching potentially “suspect” subjects may find that they are not able to access such sites that contain articles concerning such things. Where will that leave our universities and other researchers?

What I am afraid of is this being just yet another extension of the Blame Game. What’s that, I hear you say? What I call the Blame Game is people suggesting the magical “someone” should that magical “something” about whatever. There is a trend that is growing in the world that we do not want to take responsibility for our own actions. Suing a major technological corporation over false advertising is one thing, but suing them if you were surfing, got dumped by a wave and ended up in a wheelchair claiming they needed to erect signs warning about the dangers of the surf is another thing. Take responsibility for your actions people!

In the same way, parents arguing that the internet has become too ubiquitous and “someone” needs to do “something” about keeping the children safe is just another attempt to forgo some hard-line parenting and discipline. I am not suggesting that you do not allow you children to use the internet at all, although if that works for you, go for it. What I am saying is educate your children on the right way to use it. Yes, that may mean NOT using the computer as a substitute for the babysitting television. Yes, that may mean actually sitting down with your children and using the computer with them. Yes, it may even mean that you have to go and educate yourself on safe internet practises. Heavens forbid you actually have to take time out of your schedule for the betterment and protection of your children! You decided to have kids. Go wild and actually be a parent to them. Stop using the magical “someone” and “something” to fix all your problems.

Why should adults be told what they can and cannot view? Australia already has some of what are viewed to be the most strict censorship guidelines in the western world. Surely we don’t need more restrictions? We seem to be making a bee-line for the ultra restrictive days of the 1930s where books were banned under the Indecent Publications Act (look up the first book to be banned: ‘Upsurge’ by J.M. Harcourt) for having communist tendencies and immoral leanings (yes, there’s that word again).

Even beyond that frightening trend is the fact that this filter will not stop future governments from banning to their own agenda. With the increasing power pressure groups such a Family First and others, developing significant say in the parliament through members we can only project that the future in one in line more and more with seemingly science-fiction films as Equilibrium and V for Vendetta. Harsh? Idealistic? You think? We see in other countries that panic spreads amongst people and they rally to a previously uncharismatic leader who finds strength in the people’s “time of need” (post 9/11 fiasco). We see that a coupe in Australian politics (K-Rudd vs Gillard) is viewed with disgust but no real outrage. We in Australia have become so terribly disconnected from our government that most are still unaware that decisions are being made in the parliament despite politicians not having read senate inquiry reports, not even waiting for them to be published before the vote is tabled!

“The concept of the Web is of universal readership.” – Tim Berners-Lee

The sad part is that the Web which runs on the internet, when invented, was never supposed to be ruled over by governments. It was supposed to be a depository for all the collective knowledge of the world. Yes, it may have gone a little out of proportion and out of control, but Tim Berners-Lee was on to a good thing when he said no government or corporation would have control over the whole web.

Make no mistake, this is a far-reaching topic that will go through unless there is a major outcry from those that our politicians supposedly have been elected to represent. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t felt very represented in the parliament of late. What can you do about it? There are a number of on line petitions and such useless ways of making yourself feel like you’ve done something, but if you rally want to do something about this, write your local member or senator a letter or email detailing what your concerns are. Call them. Make them realise that this is an actual problem that they can finally step up and act the valiant politicians just like they dreamed they could.

Want to know more about this topic? Here are a few links for you to take a look at:

The OpenNet Initiative.

The Australian Government Classification website.

The No Clean Feed website.

news.com.au: Enemy of the internet: Australia under surveillance for violating online freedoms.

Communications minister Conroy misleading public about the filter.

Image courtesy of Sally06 on Flickr