Category Archives: Uncategorized

Being a Parent Does Not Give Us Carte Blanche.

It’s strange, but it’s true. Just because we aided in the creation on another person (because, let’s face it, complex carbon chemistry had a lot to do with it too), does not mean we always get to take part in actions which will taint the potential of that person in the future.

We do it all the time. That is part of parenting. By teaching our children good table manners, we are ensuring they will not be embarrassed with a multiple course table setting, and will not be shunned for eating with their mouth open. By making sure they say “please” and “thank you”, we are ensuring a positive reaction to their general manners in the future. We do everything we can, or should be doing so, to ensure they have the best possible chance at making good impressions in their adult lives.

Why then, do some of us seem so intent on ruining all that good work by plastering baby pictures all across the internet and web? Potentially embarrassing photos, pictures that may not paint them in a positive pictures, photographs that will stay around in digital format online forever.

Forever.

That’s a very long time indeed. We seem to forget that once published online, the images and words we think are transitory reflections of moments in our lives have far reaching ramifications into the echoes of the future. They may not get picked up by search engine bots some time down the line, but they can always be found. Always.

I happened to read this article this morning, while attempting to wake up. I will grant, it took me a couple of goes. It is written from the perspective of a parent writing to the future version of their child regarding the ways they have reduced their potentially damaging digital identity production through online gloating. Not publishing photographs online of your children is not “just” a safety step against potential abuse, but it is also a conscious decision to allow your child to grow into the person they want to be, allowing them to become who they think they are.

As parents, we work on building their self-esteem, making sure they don’t bow down to peer-pressure, don’t feel they have to be the same as every one else, and try to combat the lack of desire (sometimes) to outshine their contemporaries. Why then, do so many of us feel that documenting our children’s lives online for all and sundry to see it alright? Surely it is counter-productive, and counter-intuitive? What might be the fall-out of a prospective employer seeing your teenaged child in something entirely unfashionable, if they are applying for a job in fashion in their twenties? It’s a somewhat shallow and superficial example, but if that is what your child is aiming for, who are you to ruin that opportunity?

Your facebook photo album is not a digital version of the photo album you pull out when your child’s dates come over for the first time. It is not a personal account of your child’s formative years. It is a very public domain which, even with the closest of “security” settings, can be viewed by pretty much anyone.

I have taken steps to ensure I do not damage my child(ren)’s potential digital identity. Despite her now being in double digits, and me leading a very “connected” lifestyle, I can count the pictures I have published of her online on my fingers. I ask that people ask me before they put up pictures of her on facebook or the like. I do not call her by name, and ask that others do the same. This was never to “save” her from potential child molesters. It was, first and foremost, because I was very aware of my actions potentially impinging on the future identity, on and off line, of others. You will find that any partners I may have rarely get referred to by name. This is a further step to not have my actions reflect on their built identity.

I think it boils down to the single directive by which I think all should conduct themselves:

You do not have the right to have any of your actions damage anyone else.

Simple as that.

Ways and Means (of Communication).

With so many different avenues for connecting with our friends these days, why do we pick one method over another?

With the advent of smartphones, and their integration into everyday life, as well as other devices – laptops, desktop computers (do people still use those?!), iPads, other tablets, iPod touches, etc etc etc… – we now have a million and one ways to connect with the people we know and don’t know. There’s Facebook wall posts, Facebook chat message, Twitter replies, Twitter DMs, email, sms, mms just to name a few. So, doesn’t it all get a little bit confusing when we’re not sure were “the message” has been sent?

Now I, for one, do not have everything pushed to my smartphone. I got sick and tired of every Facebook posts, message and twitter DM being pushed to my mobile and having it go off while I was at work, studying or exercising. It just got a bit insane, especially with multiple email accounts for a little bit of separation of identity (yes, some of us still do that). Add onto that, the alerts of posts to study discussion boards for university, and the alerts for various groups I was (and still am) administrating… Well, let’s just say it was full on.

So, why do you choose one place or platform over another to “talk” to your friends?

Personally, after many many many years in retail-based industries I have found that I hate, with a passion unknown to man before this time, talking to people on a telephone. Why then, do I still have a telephone? Well, unfortunately, other people still require you to be connected via a voice line. There’s still a rather large amount of unwarranted shock when I tell people I do not have a landline. I haven’t had one now for quite a few years, and I find it rather pleasant. In fact, when I have been around one I actually get quite nervous. You can’t turn it onto silent. You can’t shove a pillow over it. It’s there, loud and obnoxious. When you ignore it, everyone can tell.

I do not always answer my mobile when it rings. I figure, just because I have a phone, doesn’t mean I have to answer it. I am one of those, seemingly, few people who turn my phone off (not just onto silent) when I am at a theater or cinema or a meeting or any other event where a phone ringing would be counterproductive. In fact, I almost rarely answer messages in these events as well. It’s just a little light, but it’s really annoying to other people. It seems to me, that in the grab for more connection and social media, we have forgotten that there are actually other people in the world and we ought to remain considerate of them in actual events.When I do talk on my mobile, I keep my voice down. I remember the days when mobile phones were only just becoming an everyday item. These were the clunky bricks of things, so vastly removed from today’s sleek lined pieces of modern art. There were people who didn’t realise that you didn’t have to shout down the things to let the person on the other end hear you. The technology did that for you. Well, I can tell you we haven’t come very far. People using their mobile phones in crowded or enclosed areas (public transport, doctor’s waiting rooms, libraries) have forgotten what an “inside voice” is, and just yell to their friend down the line about how drunk they got the other weekend and how it was awesome. I don’t need to hear that. Really.

Which leaves us with the myriad on online connection platforms. Facebook alone has multiple ways to let your friends know your message. Add onto that email, Twitter and whatever other social media site you like to use, and we are still left with a host of potential meeting grounds. As much as I possibly can, I like to use email. It has something of a more important tone to it. It shows that you have taken time out of your usual internet/web usage to type the message. To me, it just seems like the person sending it gave me a little more time than a message sent via Twitter or Facebook or anywhere else. It makes me feel like I was at least a little more than a momentary glitch in the sender’s day.

Having said that, there are people with whom I only communicate via social networking platforms. This isn’t because I value my communication with them any less. Some of them I have email contact details for, some of them I don’t. For those I do not, it makes sense to communicate with them where I can. For those I do have alternate contact details for, it is a case of ease of communication. If they rarely check their email, or if their email takes them a lot of time to get through due to flooding, it is easier for me and my message to stand out as either a Direct Message on Twitter, or a message on Facebook.

I think, at the end of the day, it is all about standing out. There is no point sending someone an information-filled email, if the recipient rarely checks their email and may not get the required info in time. There’s no point in sending a message via Facebook, if they ignore the notifications. It’s all about getting your message across and keeping the lines of communication open. so the next time you call me and I don’t answer, maybe I’m not ignoring you. Maybe I’m watching a movie or in a meeting, or maybe you just need to find out more about where I hang out online.